Everyone's a content creator now

I mean, what else is there?

I feel incredibly self-indulgent writing this as someone without a full-time job at the moment, but we all really should be more outraged at the state of the job market. Every major publication has the July jobs report on their home page today, but in a just world this kind of thing would make heads roll. I cannot believe the amount of people I know who are having difficulty finding a job right now, or who feel trapped in dead-end jobs they hate with little career advancement because there’s just nothing out there—and I have a very professional-class cosmopolitan social circle who would have done just fine in the job market of decades past. If I’m being honest, I have more of a bootstraps mindset than is socially acceptable for someone on the left to admit; whenever something bad happens to me I usually take it as a sign that I should put my head down and work a little harder. That’s probably still true. But how are you supposed to grind your way into a job market that just doesn’t have anything for young people?

Everyone under the age of 30 wants to be a content creator now and I don’t blame them. There does appear to be a more stable path to financial security through brand deals than a 9 to 5. I often wonder if I should give up on my life and start a TikTok like everyone else, even though I am aggressively unphotogenic and hate being on camera. I feel strongly about separating my personal life from my career aspirations but I know it’s not doing me any favors. It’s not like maintaining that boundary, which I’m not even good at, means I get to avoid living and dying by the whims of black box algorithms. Algorithms are only good at one thing: pushing out ads. We see so many ads every day that becoming a walking, talking, breathing ad is only the logical next step to succeed in this world. Like, what am I doing on Substack? Pretending to be a voice of my generation? The actual voices of our generation are blonde women who film themselves unboxing PR packages and going to Pilates. They understood before anyone else that if there is no such thing as privacy or security anymore, you might as well open up your entire life to affiliate links. They’re so smart. I wish I could do that. If anybody wants to send me a PR package I would be happy to open it on camera in my poorly lit apartment.

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Switzerland has one of the highest tariff rates in the world. I wonder what Trump has against the Swiss but it’s probably just because he doesn’t think they’re a big or important country. At 39 percent, buying a plane ticket to Geneva might be a better deal than trying to buy a Swiss watch stateside. (Or just go to Canal Street….)

I love when Gen Z runs for office like the whole job is being an influencer. What a substance-less, charmless ad. I don’t think this particular gambit will pay off for Elkind, who is only 26 and would have already begun a lucrative career in finance already if it were ten years ago. There’s still time, Liam! Jerry Nadler is popular among his constituents, and campaigning on youth alone only works on gullible old white people. There are a lot of those on the Upper West Side, though, so I imagine we’ll hear a lot from this guy over the next several months before he loses by double digits to one of the most inoffensive people in Congress.

I would bet a moderate amount of money on an actual Celsius x High Noon collab sometime in the next year. I guess that’s literally what Four Loko was, but what is the Trump FDA going to do? Ban mixing alcohol with stimulants, again? Everyone in that White House has an Adderall addiction. Questionable drug combinations are the most American thing there is. Zoomers might be drinking less overall but gas station drug culture is alive and well, and sooner or later the professional class will get in on it, especially if it’s reframed as being productivity-adjacent (they’re already addicted to Celsius!).

I had a great time reading about this California secessionist. I’m interested in how this guy primarily sees his involvement with Calexit as “a business transaction”, not a political campaign. There’s a lot of money to be made in political grifting, but grifters are rarely this honest about their intentions. 66 percent of Californians are in favor of autonomy! Do I know anyone from California? Would love to hear your thoughts!

Millennials are so back. Dov Charney making a comeback is proof that cancel culture isn’t real. I’m not a saint, though. I’ll be there, stocking up on tennis skirts.